about to set off

i am about to set off to cambridge, on a day which shall be quite crucial in the history of my life. i have prayed, and am hoping. “a hope that does not disappoint, because God has poured His love into our hearts through his Holy Spirit!” hoping to switch, hoping to be able to speak boldy of the reasons why i want to switch to theology — because of the joy i have found in pursuing God above all things, and my desire to do that in my subject as well. i am imagining the interview something like paul before agrippa. today i arose early (the only morning that i have succeeded in my attempts to do so: the beds here are too soft, and usually though i succeed in awaking, i don’t manage to get as far as arising, and then the awakeness fades) and
went down into the bottom of the garden to pray. praying and hoping to be able to spend the rest of my life in explicit witness to Jesus.

being at granny and grandpa’s has been somewhat strange, for the way that granny talks and talks without a word relating to God; and yet is full of support for the work of the delhi brotherhood, and some pentecostal pastor in wye; and the atmosphere seems prochristian without being christian. and when granny asked me why i wanted to switch to theology – why not philosophy, she said — i didn’t answer very well, didn’t succeed in explaining that though the reason i want to switch out of maths is because i have become disillusioned with it, the reason i want to switch to theology is more positive, a result of having tasted the goodness of the Lord and wanting to taste more, a burden to not let my life be wasted.

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